I write to remember……. I write to forget…… I write to get better.
I have always loved to write. When I was in primary school I would fill old notebooks with stories and poems and this extended into adulthood when I would write quotes and excerpts when I should have been studying at university. As adult life became busy this was something that I simply did not have time to fit into my busy lifestyle. A career in teaching came with endless planning and paperwork and suddenly the writing took a back seat and I no longer spent time writing for myself. Fast Forward 8 years and my son was born and I lost myself in a maze filled with postnatal depression and crippling anxiety. I accepted medication from the doctors and sought out support groups and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy CBT which helped me on my road to recovery. One of the main tools of therapy was to write about my feelings, meet them head on, analyse them and attempt to move forward. My notebook became an important tool for me in my recovery . It became a place where – free from judgement I could write how I felt – through this process I began to heal, I would write for relief and for escape and the more I wrote the more I began to feel better.
I was determined to get better, and actively sought out anything and everything I could to not only recover but to try and get back to the person I used to be and to be. I began to read blogs, forums and PND websites, I found comfort in stories of people who felt as awful as me and I found inspiration in those who had recovered – I clung onto the determination that one day that would be me – and I too would have a story to share with a happy ending.
Slowly, day by day, month by month I began to feel better. I wasn’t an overnight fix – it was hard and there were setbacks along the way. I kept going – one foot in front of the other and with the support from my family,friends and amazing husband I can now say I am in recovery and doing really well.
I promised myself that I would share some of my journey with others – The hope that others gave to me in such a dark place will never be forgotten and If through my experience I can help just one person who is battling this terrible illness It will have been worth sharing this blog. If I can climb out of the darkness – then so can you. It’s not a journey any of ever expect to have to make – I can now look back I can see that while I may not be the person I was before PND entered my life – I am happy with who I have become and the journey has taught me so much about life and about myself as a person. I am stronger and braver than I believed and so are you.